Posted by umuulan at 03:49 AM on March 19, 2006.
Posted by umuulan at 06:36 PM on March 3, 2006.
Oo, actually galit ako sa inyo. Nakakainis kasi kayo eh. Parang hindi ninyo pinapahalagahan 'to. Hindi kayo gagalaw hanggang magsabi ako na kailangan na nating gawin to, ganyan...HINDI NA KAYO NATUTO. Tapos sa huli ako yung nahihirapan dahil ang babagal ninyo pang kumilos.
ANO BA KAYO? Para sa atin naman itong ginagawa natin, ah! Hinihingi ko lang sana sumipot kayo on time, huwag kayong magpa-delay, gawin ninyo ang kailangan ninyong gawin. YUN LANG! Yun lang naman. Sana may natutunan kayo rito. Naiinis ako talaga. Patapos na nga tayo, marami pa ring problema.
Grrrrr. Naiinis talaga ako sa inyo, mga pakshet! Busy rin naman ako, pero bakit ako, kaya kong gumawa ng time para dito? ANONG PROBLEMA NINYO?
Tangina, tangina talaga.
Posted by umuulan at 07:27 PM on March 1, 2006.
Posted by umuulan at 05:46 PM on February 13, 2006.
it's nearly a week since kimmy, our friend ken's sister, passed away. and until now, her death haunts us.
i don't think our barkada will be the same, now that we've all faced the reality of losing. kit lost her father last summer. ken lost her sister a few days ago. krisanne lost her father back in high school. gni lost her chance of being an engineer when she was kicked out of engineering school two years ago. i lost my determination in becoming a writer.
when someone dies, you can't help but think of losses in whatever sense. death jolts you awake and makes you look back, asking if you've done whatever you've wanted to do. that's because you're asking in behalf of the dead person--has he done what he has set out to do? have i done what i've always meant to do?
but what else could have brought kimmy's death but the fulfillment of her mission, whatever it is?
but she was so young. she was 18, on the verge of becoming a woman. sadly, that opportunity was taken away from her.
kimmy's death shook us in different ways. for ken, it meant not having someone to be with in their huge room and being the only girl left in the family. kimmy was her best friend, and she has always been there when we weren't. kit, gni, krisanne, and i were rattled by the possibility of losing another loved one in a few years. or the possibility of dying, too. we were shaken by the reality of mortality. we are young, but we could die anytime the Lord calls our souls back.
losing loved ones is part of growing up. but do our loved ones have to leave just for us to grow up?
i can't imagine the pain of losing a sister. we know it's hard for ken now, but being the calm, restrained person that she is, she won't dare tell us. we never saw her cry. she never cried in front of us, even during her sister's burial. perhaps it has been her creed. after all, she has to be strong for her family now.
she must be the strongest among the five of us.
it was even unnerving to think that ken never told us that her sister was seriously sick the last time we met. that was dec 27, and we were having fun at gni's house--singing, watching a movie on dvd, eating the christmas feast leftovers. that day, kimmy was rushed to the hospital.
we learned about it on one of the night vigils, when all of us were there to be with kimmy's family.
i can't imagine myself moving on with my life after someone close to me dies. i can't imagine not crying at the funeral of a loved one. i can't imagine taking a last look before closing a loved one's coffin. i saw how hard it was for her brothers and her father to close the lid. it went down, it went up again, and then it went down for good.
we never knew kimmy so much, but we know how hard it must be for her family to accept that she has gone way ahead of them.
i was thinking of you last night, kimmy. i was thinking of how unreal your wake and your burial seemed. all the time we were there, it felt like we were lost in some other world we've never been in. seeing you lying there, your face pale and smooth, felt so unreal. we couldn't believe it was you. i could imagine you moving among us as one of us, because i've always felt accustomed to your presence every time ken entertained us at your house. it felt like being in someone else's wake and someone else's burial, and not yours.
i was also thinking of the time we watched charlie and the chocolate factory with your sister and your dad. we didn't talk much then. but if only i knew it would be the last time i would see you, i would have tried to know you better. and now i'm sorry for not talking to you when i had the chance.
i'm so sorry. you've left us now and we can't do anything but try to always be there for the ate you left behind. we'll try to be there when your sister needs us, but we know we're doing that in vain because we can't fill the yawning emptiness that opened up in her when you left.
the only comfort that we're clinging on to is that you're happier now, away from the pain that you had suffered in your last days.
in the meantime, we'll try to get on with our lives, no matter how hard it is to muster the strength to do so. and i believe, with the rest of your family and friends, that we'll see you when we get there.
Posted by umuulan at 05:21 PM on January 30, 2006.
bakit kaya pag nagsusulat ako dito parang kausap ko lang sarili ko?
hahahahaha. sorry, it's a luxury i can't give up. i like talking to myself. sorry napaka-makasarili naman. anyway, who cares about whiny people?
naalala ko tuloy ang isang quote galing sa archie comics: rich people usually talk to themselves. (or something like that)
haha sana mayaman din ako!